Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World
Available Now!
Help shift our collective conversation towards secure relating rather than hopelessness and dysregulation.
Next Big Idea Club – Advice From Married Psychotherapists on Overcoming Insecurity
Co-authors Sue and Ann share five key insights from their new book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World. Listen to the audio version—read by Sue and Ann—in the Next Big Idea App.
So, what is Therapist Uncensored all about?
We have fun translating the complex relational sciences and psychology into understandable and practical tools that can give you the power you need to uncover your best self. (Believe us, your people will be so happy.)
We will help you understand how to recognize and then update unconscious expectations of yourself and others. Applying the science of modern attachment and relational neurobiology can have life-changing impacts on your mind, your choice of partners, your parenting, your social relationships, your work life and how you interact in the world.
Sounds too good to be true, but fortunately the science is very clear, and hopeful… and we want everyone to have access to it.
And as if that's not enough goodness, team Therapist Uncensored is working to dismantle our undeserved privilege in various ways but one is financial. A full 50% (!) of all income from corporate sponsors and merch sales goes to non-profit organizations that provide access to mental health services for those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare. Our Neuronerd Patrons support the production of the show so that we together can accomplish this mission and help us make it happen, and they also vote at the end of the year for the charity for the year.
LISTEN TO THE LATEST EPISODE
What People Are Saying About Therapist Uncensored
Over Eleven million+ downloads (what?!)
Apple-Ranked Top 10 Social Science Podcast in U.S.
Top 50 Science Podcast in 75 countrieS
featured Guests
We bring you world-reknown guest experts, as well as outside-the-choir voices, so you may have direct access to updated theory and fresh ideas as they come.
Featured guests include the smartest minds in the relational sciences.
Joseph LaDeux
Arielle Schwartz
Jill Bolte-Tayl0r
Terry Real
Laurel Parnell
Bruce Perry
Kristen Neff
Lou Cossolino
Bonnie Badenoch
Pat Crittendon
Dan Siegel
David Elliott
Ellyn Bader
Dan Brown
Pat Ogden
Esther Perel
Bruce Eckert
Alan Srouf
Nancy McWilliams
Peggy Orenstein
Steve Porges
Tina Payne-Bryson
Deb Dana
Stan Tatkin
Lori Gottlieb
And many, many more deep thinkers and fabulous minds that we interview both to bring you their work, and to continuously integrate new and trusted perspectives into our own thinking and theory of what actually works to heal people.
Stan Tatkin
Steve Finn
Alphonso Appleton
Ellyn Bader
Dan Brown
Jules Shore
Liz Plank
Bonnie Badenoch
Sarah Peyton
Aby Blakely
Deb Dana
Doug Braun-Harvey
Tina Atkins
L Brookins
Pam Greenstone
Robyn Gobbel
Linno Rhodes
The Science of Psychotherapy's Becki Mendivil
Susan Ansorge
Bob Schneider
Download Your Free Attachment Starter Pack
To help you get started, we've pulled together some of our “Attachment Basics”, along with some of our most popular content, and put it all in this bundle for you!
Therapist Uncensored Podcast
Candid unscripted conversations rooted in modern attachment and the newly emerging sciences of the mind will deeply inform, entertain and even surprise you.
Learn how to outsmart your biology and improve your relationships with others.
This podcast will break down what makes you and yours emotionally tick… and tock. So join us, dive in with co-hosts Sue Marriott & Dr. Ann Kelley, as well as their array of rock-star guest experts.
Most Recent Episodes
Challenging Defenses: An Introduction to Experiential Dynamic Therapies (EDTS): (246)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 55:08 — 126.2MB)
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music
Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley discuss Experiential Dynamic Therapies (EDTs) with experts Margaret Martin and Dr. Deb Pollack. These therapies focus on recognizing and challenging defenses that lead to
problems both internally and relationally. Learn the difference between defenses that feel right (Egosyntonic) and those that don't (Egodystonic) and why it's important to work against them for change. This episode is a deep dive into the role of EDTS in couples' therapy, and highlights the need for an integrated approach to address underlying trauma, plus much more!
Liberating Marginalized Couples from Relational and Systemic Trauma with Akilah Riley-Richardson (245)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 56:41 — 129.8MB)
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music
Sue Marriott and Akilah Riley Richardson dive into a compelling discussion about the vital need to center marginalized voices in therapy. They explore how Western perspectives have shaped therapy practices globally, often overlooking diverse cultural approaches. Akilah brings a fresh, challenging perspective to the table. She pushes for a real shake-up in how we approach therapy, especially when working with marginalized couples. It's not just about tweaking existing methods – she's calling for a fundamental rethinking of our assumptions.
The conversation tackles some heavy topics, from unpacking the concept of relational privilege to developing strategies that help couples see beyond their individual struggles to the bigger picture of systemic trauma. It's eye-opening stuff. What really stands out is their focus on the deep impact of systemic trauma. They don't just acknowledge it – they dig into why it's so crucial for therapists to truly understand and address it in their work.
Ultimately, this discussion isn't just academic. It's a call to action for therapists to step up, broaden their perspectives, and find new ways to help couples break free from systemic constraints. It's about empowering relationships and, in the process, maybe changing the face of therapy itself. Get it ad-free: www.therapistuncensored.com/join Go to shownotes www.therapistuncensored.com/tu245.
Therapeutic Psychedelics: Discernment, Science, and the Need for Theory with Nigel Denning (244)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:00:20 — 138.1MB)
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music
Australia is ahead of the US when it comes to legalizing psychedelics, so we can learn from their experience as it rolls out. Exploration of psychedelic-assisted therapy – the efficacy, skepticism, and the future of state-change therapeutics with Nigel Denning. shownotes: www.therapistuncensored.com/tu244 www.therapistuncensored.com/join
Improv: Fostering Connection in Challenging Conversations (243)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:16:21 — 174.8MB)
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music
Dr. Ann Kelley and Lisa Kays discuss how improv can deepen conversations around tough topics like race and oppression. They examine white supremacy culture and show how improv values like collaboration, slowing down, and embracing complexity can challenge these norms. Improv fosters creativity, playfulness, and self-reflection to help reduce defensiveness and strengthen relationships in everyday life, at work, or in our closest relationships. By creating a supportive, collaborative environment, improv deepens connections and helps people tap into a wider range of emotions.
Protection or Connection? Neural Pathways & Regulation Basics – Replay (242)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 45:59 — 105.3MB)
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music
Everyone is familiar with reacting “in the heat of the moment,” but do we really understand what that means? Regulation basics include the protection or connection pathways to interpersonal relating. With the high tension we're experiencing in the world today, it can feel particularly challenging to practice secure relating. We are re-sharing one of our impactful episodes where Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott explore the inner workings of our nervous system auto-pilot settings: protection vs connection.
Journey to Self-Discovery: Navigating Identity & Mental Health as a Korean American Immigrant Hyeseung Song (241)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:10:35 — 161.5MB)
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music
Dr. Ann Kelley and Hyeseung Song, a first-generation Korean American discuss Hyeseung's experiences growing up as an Asian minority in America, touching on topics like racial stereotypes, assimilation, and the model minority myth .Hyeseung shares her journey of finding her voice and identity, highlighting the mental health challenges of navigating between cultures.
Addiction, Attachment & the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model with Jan Winhall – Replay (240)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 48:27 — 110.9MB)
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music
Enjoy this replay episode with Jan Winhall, as we explore how our bodies can guide us towards healing and growth through the
concept of “felt sense.” This approach integrates neuroscience and focuses on our innate ability to perceive and respond to our experiences. Winhall's work challenges conventional views on navigating challenges influenced by culture and trauma.
Episode Swap: Secure Relating with Ann & Sue on The Baffling Behavior Show (239)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:03:19 — 144.9MB)
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music
One of the many incredible aspects of this community are the people we are able to connect and learn with, like Robyn Gobbel.
She is a licensed social worker, podcast host, keynote speaker, writer, trainer & consultant – and even host launch this spring. This episode, Ann and Sue joined her on her podcast, “The Baffling Behavior Show”, to talk about secure relating.
Managing Intense Feelings for Kids and Grownups with Lindsey Kealey (Replay) – (238)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (135.4MB)
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music
As our schedules shift for summer, we think revisiting this episode with expert Lindsey Kealey is the perfect reminder. The warmer weather is great for vacations or some weekend fun in the sun, but we also know that the shift in schedule can be tough for parents and children. Little minds can have big feelings and in the spirit of secure relating, we are taking the opportunity to revisit strategies for teaching kids how to regulate their emotions and promote positive connection with others. Lindsey Kealey introduces a trauma-informed program grounded in neuroscience, employing social-emotional learning and problem-solving techniques to enhance decision-making and relational well-being. Through her Three C's approach – connect, calm, and collaborate – she aims to revolutionize interpersonal dynamics, empowering individuals to interact more positively with themselves and others.
What do you want to learn today?
Meet Your Cohosts
SUE MARRIOTT, LCSW, CGP & ANN KELLY, Ph.D.
Ann Kelley Ph.D. (she/her/hers) and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP (he/her/hers) are experienced licensed therapists that provide candid and focused education to help you bring awareness to the unconscious patterns in your life that get in your way.
As out, gay married co-hosts they bring in humor and personal insights of the cringy struggle to try to function more securely as a couple, and in the world. They also provide state of the art education, clinical insights, summaries of complex science and their own developed reflections on how to grow through these life-long patterns.
No matter what your history or what your age, there is hope to keep developing your secure self, which helps grow closeness with those you love.
Thank you to Team Therapist Uncensored!
Jack Anderson – Audio Engineer
Catherine Mulder – Project Manager
Ashley Cruz – Production Assistant
Meet Your Cohosts
SUE MARRIOTT, LCSW, CGP & ANN KELLEY, Ph.D.
Ann Kelley Ph.D. (she/her/hers) and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP (she/her/hers) are experienced licensed therapists that provide candid and focused education to help you bring awareness to the unconscious patterns in your life that get in your way.
As married co-hosts they bring in humor and personal insights of the cringy struggle to try to function more securely as a couple, and in the world. They also provide state of the art education, clinical insights, summaries of complex science and their own developed reflections on how to grow through these life-long patterns.
No matter what your history or what your age, there is hope to keep developing your secure self, which helps grow closeness with those you love.
Deepen your relationships and demystify your own interpersonal blocks by learning how to use the sciences of the mind.
We want to help each of you become a little more secure, not as a feeling but as a neurological fact. If you are interested in learning how to outsmart your biology and transform into the most relational and confident version of you, then you are our people.
Our audience is intentionally wide- it includes everyone from seasoned therapists, students in the field, other professions that can benefit from knowing how to deeply understand people, those injured by early relationships, and those life-long learners interested in staying abreast and helping make the world a little more secure.